In today’s world, it seems impossible to maintain relationships with others without using some sort of technology. One may wonder how people ever kept in touch without a cell phone to quickly text someone, or without Internet to send messages via e-mail or instant message. Today people of all ages use technology for various purposes. Jenna Wortham of the New York Times brings up a valid point when she notes that “good technical know-how could be important in the modern dating game.” When was the last time you heard of someone sending a hand written love letter? Probably not recently.
With that in mind, consider the types of technology commonly used on the dating scene. Wortham notes that after meeting a “handsome stranger [with a] similar passion for scary movies” at a friend’s party, the two of them traded contact information hoping for additional engaging conversation. However, upon receiving a text message from the gentleman, Wortham was immediately turned off by his “unusual capitalizations and unnatural spacing.” Being that she, like many people, is reliant on technology, she believed she would have “trouble getting along with someone who had little mastery of the…tools that preoccupy the majority of [her] day.”
Many teens and adults can relate to this technology-based judgment described by Wortham. In some cases, people believe that proper spelling and punctuation in any kind of written communication is a necessity and should be taken seriously when dating someone. Others consider text messaging to be a much more casual way of communicating, in which all abbreviations and lingo should be accepted.
Numerous people made it evident that they agreed with Wortham’s concern for technology and relationships. One man commented on her article, “Texting is a necessity in Manhattan - I can't hear you when FDNY Ladder Company 11 drives by…Add horn-honking taxis, the daily buzz of the city, and I grow tired of asking you to repeat yourself…Text it…And don't send a correction if you misspell something, unless its absolutely relevant. I'm not an english teacher, I'm a busy smart user, and your message was very likely understood.”
Another woman added that she would not instantly dismiss a man over bad sentence structure but, “Given how pervasive written communication is in the work place and our personal lives, it mystifies me that so many people are so ill equipped to communicate via email, or write coherent paragraphs.”
Our constant use of e-mail, text messaging, and Facebook has made it evident that we are now less apt to make time for our friends and family. It is too often that one may walk into a dorm of college students where the students are silent, and the only sound that can be heard is the constant clicking of the keys from their laptops. In addition to our anti-social tendencies, we also tend to judge people based on the way they write text messages. These judgments often occur if we think a person seems strange or socially awkward based on the way they express themselves in a text. These judgments are nothing short of ridiculous, considering most of the time they are completely wrong. For instance, a good friend of mine is what I consider a pretty bad ‘texter’ and his messages often seem awkward or abrupt. However, he is a very intelligent and outgoing young man, currently serving as Student Body President.
Technology functions in several other aspects of the dating world. Many people utilize networking websites such as Facebook or Match.com to communicate with potential companions and friends. Known as the “largest and most diverse user base,” Match.com has been “visited by over 25,000,000 singles” and prides itself in its customer satisfaction and service, backing up its promise to ‘make love happen’. Facebook also serves as a wonderful tool for creating and maintaining relationships. Many college and high school graduates utilize the Internet to find their old friends. Facebook helps these people reignite severed relationships of the past and rebuild them in the future. Facebook also serves as a key component in many long distance relationships. Through pictures, wall posts, and instant messaging, it allows users to feel as if they are miles closer to their loved ones.
Although most people love Facebook, we must be careful as to not get too addicted to it. Matthew S. Weber, a senior researcher and doctoral candidate at the Annenberg School for Communication & Journalism at the University of Southern California, warns us that, “We’re starting to max out the number of people that we can connect with. Great that you have a 1,000 friends on Facebook, but you really can’t maintain those relationships and maintain those contacts.” Weber also said that according to “‘Dunbar’s Number’ human brains can really only handle 150 friendships.” Scientists noted that a person “may have 1,000s of friends [on Facebook], but according to research, you can only have meaningful friendships with a much smaller group. (Incidentally, Facebook says that the average user has 130 friends.)” That being said, it is probably best that we know who our real friends are before we continue to add people on social networking sites such as Facebook. We must also remember that “the time [we] spend chatting, IM-ing, friending and tweeting with people online takes away from face-to-face conversations and activities.”
During our everyday lives, we use all sorts of technology to communicate with others. It helps us create new relationships, but also presents the risk of harming other ones. We can only hope that our technological expertise does not impair our social skills or worsen our ability to bond with others. Even with the risks and threats of technology come great opportunities and advantages for all people.
-Katie O'Neill
http://gadgetwise.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/10/06/can-technology-make-or-break-a-relationship/?scp=3&sq=information%20technology&st=cse
http://www.collegenet.com/elect/app/app?service=external/Forum&sp=29049
http://www.top10bestdatingsites.com/?kw=popular%2520dating%2520website&c=5493419947&t=search&p=&m=p&a=1&gclid=COyK9YOxwqQCFZJ95Qodox0LjA
http://www.top10bestdatingsites.com/MatchReview
2 comments:
Relationships are definitely affected by technology. From personal experience I have seen many friends check their significant other's Facebook messages and statuses to ensure that there is no suspicious activity going on. However, Facebook and the speed with which we can communicate with one another is such a pervasive positive influence on the world today that it is hard to tell if the cons outweigh the potential benefits of such technological advancements. For example, Facebook allows friends to coordinate large gatherings of people with relative ease. I have been able to plan birthday parties and coordinate times involving numerous people by sending a simple Facebook message. It is also a way to catch up with old friends or make new ones. In terms of relationships, technology is accessing that realm of people's lives as well. Considering Match.com's advertising has recently emphasized statistics that 1 in 5 relationships now start online (although the original source of this information is impossible to find), technology plays a fundamental role in many social aspects of a person’s life. This reliance on technology may enhance the breadth of connections for people both socially and romantically. However, the ease with which people can lie about themselves on the Internet does not necessarily enhance the depth of the relationships we have through online resources for dating and friendships. For example, a recent news article from a UK website describes a woman who was romanced by a man pretending to be a US soldier, and then gradually began asking her for money. The man turned out to be a fraud, leading in both financial loss and psychological pain as a result. Perhaps this is a risk associated with online relationships and friendships not often publicized. Besides losing money or making it easier to access personal information, online relationships expose a person’s emotional vulnerability to people through the Internet. This increases the risk of heartbreak and feelings of betrayal which are much longer lasting than the virtual relationship may have been.
Source: http://www.thisisleicestershire.co.uk/news/feel-stupid-falling-date-scam/article-2681140-detail/article.html
Relationships are definitely affected by the use of technology, as both of you said. In this day and age, many people begin relationships with dating websites and stay connected with Facebook and MySpace. I never thought the day would come when my grandmother would get a Facebook to keep in touch with all of her old co-workers, but times have changed. She even has a boyfriend she met on eHarmony. Many people think that these types of technology take away from human connection, and even though they may, they also bring people together. Real relationships require more than just texting, emailing and video chatting. As Amanda said, technology has such a positive influence on today’s world that the cons against the excessive use of technology don’t seem to outweigh the advantages.
No one actually has 1,000 close friends. Facebook, MySpace and other websites of the sort, were created to keep in contact with people that we know. Technology may be altering human connection, but it certainly is not completely destroying it. In fact, in terms of breadth and scope, we are actually communicating with more people daily and upholding more of a relationship with these people by having them as our Facebook friends and seeing them pop up in our newsfeed than having no way of connecting with them at all. Who sends invitations in the mail anymore now that we can make a Facebook group or event? It’s so convenient that it only takes seconds to respond.
You’re right when you said that we barely speak face-to-face anymore. But as we look back at our ancestors’ forms of communication, I doubt they spoke to as many people face-to-face as the world does today. As a percentage, they surely spoke to a lot more people in person. When we talk in absolute numbers, however, I’d suggest we talk about the same. It is evident that nowadays we talk to significantly more people, from wider areas than our ancestors could have ever imagined.
It is annoying when someone is constantly on their cell phone or their laptop, I must admit. I don’t disagree that people rely on technology more than they should, but at the same time, what would we do if we weren’t as technologically advanced as we are now? Life would be much different.
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